My friend Zuckerberg

He knows what I had for breakfast
and what I had for lunch,
he knows my favorite movie star—
it’s more than just a hunch.

He knows my favorite TV show—
it is the Brady Bunch
and my favorite soft drink—
I like Hawaiian Punch!

How does he know? How does he know?
Have I been overheard?
No, I shared everything myself
with my friend Zuckerberg.

I told him all my deep secrets,
what I dream at night,
all my slightly offbeat fantasies
of elves dressed up in tights.

I told him all my politics—
he knows just how I lean.
He knows if I am left or right
of the arithmetic mean.

How does he know? How does he know?
Have I been overheard?
No, I shared everything myself
with my friend Zuckerberg.

And not only does he know,
he guides me in my thought
by sending me special stories
that are uniquely wrought

to influence my demographic
to move towards the extreme.
He knows our will is plastic—
we’re just living for a meme.

How does he know? How does he know?
Have I been overheard?
No, I shared everything myself
with my friend Zuckerberg.

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